Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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