Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
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