I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
