i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
