I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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