i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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