oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Never underestimate the power of titties
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
