I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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