had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
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