just come out here and I will go home with you...
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
he shaved USA in his pubs
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
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