im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
