I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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