That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
PS: I just woke up from my shower
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
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