I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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