Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Randomize
