Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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