DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
