man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
