i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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