I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
