Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
