No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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