I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
