so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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