Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
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