so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
