hotel room ftw
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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