I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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