He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
