We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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