She said her name was "party"
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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