you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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