I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
