I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
