just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
