On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
