she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
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