Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Is this like a preordered booty call?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
