mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Randomize
