I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
