he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
