No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Randomize
