Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
