I just made out with a guy for $7.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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