SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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