Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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