i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
