We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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