Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
