guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
its not stalking. its research.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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