that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
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