But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
