So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
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