i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Randomize
