You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
