I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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