Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
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