forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
