dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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