they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
