there's paper in my vomit.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I am midnight drunk by noon
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
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