all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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