man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
me + whiskey = a bad person
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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