I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
