haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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