There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
