GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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