Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
